New Adventure Coming
7 years ago
Wednesday, June 27, 2007
Thoughts
Please excuse this post, I'm in a weird emotional state right now (which doesn't usually happen, even with my pregnant self). I have just been having a really rough last couple days. Carson was sick and so I was trying my hardest to be a good mom to him, but he just frustrated me to death! And today he isn't much better (well, i think he feels better, but is still just as frustrating). I just can't seam to please the kid. Most days are so much fun and he is such a good kid, but the last couple days have been so hard. He just whines and complains and wants to "watch a show?" and have "juice?" (which I'm trying to limit both things). Everything that I do seams to backfire on me. I try to do something that I think he will like and instead he just gets whiny and more upset. I just can't win! And today we are watching my friends baby girl and it seams that if one wasn't crying than the other one was...or they both were! And then I start to wonder what the heck I'm thinking having another kid. I've actually never been very worried about having another, but today it was just getting to me. You know, all the worries.....what do I do when they are both crying?? How do I get them to both sleep at the same time without waking the other up? blah, blah, blah.... Like today I put Carson down for his nap and he just screamed and screamed. Then I put the baby down and she screamed. So, after a while, I went to rock Carson for a while and he went to sleep, then when I came downstairs the baby was asleep. I guess it wasn't that bad, but at the time I was going NUTS! I was just getting so frustrated. I like to consider myself pretty laid back and a low-stress kinda person, but today I didn't do so good. Maybe it's my other big worry manifesting itself. Okay, so my other big worry is what am I going to do with Dan gone for a month. He leaves on friday for Egypt and he'll be gone till the end of July. I'm going to my sister's house in Wisconsin for two weeks, so that will be fun, but not necessarily easy for dealing with Carson...you know what I mean? I just shouldn't worry and go with the flow, but I just would rather have Dan home helping me. I guess one of my biggest things is that in the past few months Carson has really, REALLY taken a liking to his daddy. He asks for him all the time and just loves the guy. So, I'm just worried what he is going to do when I keep telling him day after day that daddy is "working". Do I tell him something else or just keep telling him that he is working? I don't know. I feel selfish or jealous because I don't want Dan to go. I'm jealous that he gets to go away for a month, stay in a nice hotel, and see all sorts of cool things. And I'm jealous that he gets a break from Carson...is that totally mean to say?? He is really sad that he will be away for so long and he really will miss Carson, but I have a hard time seeing that side of it. I feel mean because I think like that. Am I mean? And then I feel bad that I'm even complaining about this b/c there are always people worse off. Like if my husband was gone to war, in school and working, or dead. So, I shouldn't feel so sorry for myself, it could be so much worse. Anyway, now I'm really just blabbing on. I apologize for this post of all my issues. I promise I really am doing well and it's just a bad day. But, I thought I would just get it all off my chest. Everyone has a bad day, right?
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11 comments:
Isn't being a mom grand?. We all feel like a mean mom at times. Sometimes being a mom just gets too stressful and overwhelming. Try taking a mommy timeout even if it is just locking yourself in the bathroom.
Don't sweat the two kid thing, it will all become routine once you have the baby and the first few crazy weeks pass by. I have found it easier than having one baby!
Sounds like you have a lot building up at one time. Do you think that Carson will want to be the big helper when his sister is born? I do suppose it could go both ways.
You managed with Dan gone last summer, it's just that Carson is older now, that just means that you can do more things with him this year. Playing with his cousin that he doesn't get to see all the time may take his mind of his Daddy.
Bad days come and go. Remember not to take all the blame, especially if he isn't feeling well. You've handled living in Guatamale, going through nursing school and being a nurse in the ER! These days will pass...SMILE
Hi Lynette,
I'm always reading your blog!!!
It's great - I just wanted to send a big hug your way.
Maybe Brian and I could babysit one day while Dan is gone? Carson seems to find Brian as amusing as I do.
Make sure you go to Culvers and have some custard for me in Wisconsin!
Leann
okay so you think the same way i do. I feel that way to sometimes when Brick gets to go out of town. Second babies aren't going to hurt themselves or die of crying. That is what i learned. Eventually they will fall asleep. Even though it seems like they won't. But i jsut wanted to know that you are not having mean thoughts and that there are others that think just like that.
Oh, Lynette, we all feel your pain and I'm so glad you shared it! That's why these blog things are so wonderful! Yes, it is crazy at first with the two kids but they really do adjust very quickly. Evan and Griffin share a wall and only on the rare occasion wake each other up. Some days they have a little squealing conversation that I think is adorable. I remember being torn between the two before Fin was even born because of the bedrest thing and it was so hard. Things have been easier than I thought and I LOVE having two kids.
Can't say I know how you feel about the Dan thing since Ryan is home most all of the time. What I would suggest, though, is that before he leaves you have yourself a few really nice girl's day/nights out. Get a pedicure, eat out, go to a movie, whatever floats your boat. I think that way you won't feel it as much. Hey, you are always welcome in glorious central PA!
Hang in there!
Lynette, I hope you are doing okay! I'm sorry you have had a rough day - sick kids are so hard to please and that gets so frustrating! Believe me, I've had similar days.
I understand being nervous about having a second. But just like having your first, you will adjust and then it will feel like you've always had two little buddies around. The kids will probably adjust even faster than you - they will get used to each other's sleeping sounds quickly and it will get to the point that you can walk into the room to help one without waking the other up.
And, sometimes they will both cry at the same time. That's okay, it isn't because of some failure on your part. I have noticed that I tend to help the one who is crying the loudest or most urgently....:)
A good swing (which you have) and a baby bouncer were keys to my sanity in the early weeks after Rand was born. He was content to be laid in one of those while I took care of Lindsey's urgent pleadings and need for attention.
Now I'm just rambling, but my last thought is that you have had great preparation for having a second baby in the house while watching Kaitlyn (sp?). You are already a pro!
Sickie days are rough and then to have Dan leaving so soon... So rough!! How could you not feel overwhelmed - don't feel bad for talking about your feelings. I am right there with you on many of those frustrations. Being a mommy is wonderful, but man it's hard. Don't worry you will be a fantastic mommy to 2! Just hang in there!! :::hugs::: :)
Thanks friends! You all are sooo great, with great advise and words of encouragement...I knew there was a reason I love blogging so much :) I'm going to have a positive attitude that today will be a great day! Wish me luck!
Lynette,
You have great friends! They've all given you great advice. All moms have hard days! I found that when i was pregnant everything seemed worse too! Hang in there. Hey, I'm jealous of Dan going away for a month too! :) We love you, and Carson. You can always call and vent to me, I've found that helps!
I know exactly how you feel. Motherhood can be so stressful.
Maybe Carson is cranky because he is sick and maybe he can feel that his daddy is leaving too. I know I feel jealous too when John gets to go do fun things and I am stuck at home with the kids. I love my kids but we all need our own time. Good luck in the month that Dan is gone.
And to tell you the honest truth I thought being a mom to two kids would be so hard but it isn't as bad as I thought. Being a first time mom is worse I think because you are so unsure of everything. But with number 2 you have found things that work for you. And you really can listen to baby #2 cry more than you could ever listen to baby #1 cry. It is amazing.
I have just realized that I have both my kids up during the day when the other one is napping and so I am trying to make it a priority to spend that time with each child individually so they won't be so frustrated and wanting my complete attention when the other is awake.
Okay this was a long comment. You are a great mom. Every day has it's challenges. I am sure I will be blogging soon about another horrible day I have had.
Lynette, I know you already posted a reply to all these comments but I really had to get my two cents in! :) I completely know how you feel - you are so not alone. If you are mean, than I must be pure evil! I was wishing both my kids away today.
But I totally understand what you're saying. Jared will also be gone for a month (Boise, however, is not as scenic as Egypt I'm guessing) and I was just telling him tonight how lucky he is to have a month long "vacation." This is as both kids are crying and tugging on me at the same time. I can almost picture that quiet, air-conditioned hotel room in my mind... :)
But then I remember how much fun me and girls have when Jared goes on trips. I go to extra effort to do fun stuff, for my sanity and theirs. We have fun girls nights, go out to eat, we all pile in Eve's bed and read stories - it seems like we all grow closer because we all miss daddy. And we all know mommy is on a very short fuse. I think Heavenly Father blesses them to be sweeter at times like that because he knows I really need it. I think you and Carson will have some good times.
And one more thing- I totally relate to pre-second-baby nerves. Not only did I stress about the sleeping and the crying, but I was riddled with guilt about "abandoning" Eve, you know? And I did go through a brief grieving perioud after Nora was born where I just really missed being just the two of us. But then you see how much the big sis/bro loves the baby, how much you just adore both of them, how this is just what you wanted for your family. And it all gets better. And as for the sleeping, we made the mistake of keeping Eve too quiet while Eleanor slept and then rushing in to get her the minute she woke up, so don't worry about a little noise. They'll learn to sleep right through each other and then everyone will be better off.
Sorry about the long post, just wanted to let you know I understand. And here's a hug: *hug*. I think you are an outstanding mom and Carson is a sweet, good-natured little boy. Don't let the pregnancy hormones get you down! :)
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